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[stayyourblade]

Text From Last Night + Word Association

Comments

Connor Kenway » Assassins Creed III

[stayyourblade]

1. I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!".

2. This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

3. She took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'.

4. You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

5. Make Your Own Adventure | Text Him

5

[orderbeforepeace]

Your mother has asked me to remind you:
-eat five fruits and vegetables a day
-wash behind your ears
-remember to use please and thank you
-don't forget the condoms

4

[fameorfolly]

I didn't say there was nothing on the toast.

I've found this stuff they call SPAM and it fries up real nice to put on toast.

Dean Winchester » Supernatural

[semperpie]

1. I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome

2. Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night

3. On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

4. I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

5. 1-800-Cas-Only | Text Him

2

[ailes_dor]

Your meat or actual meat?

2

[lucifermorningstar]

It was fantastic. I recorded it and it's funny every time.

To be fair it was one of those really self-righteous vegans that really deserved it. And the look on their face was bloody priceless. I think you might get internet famous. Or infamous.

Altair Ibn-La'Ahad » Assassins Creed

[blendsin]

1. They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.

2. He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.

3. Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?

4. A. I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.

B. Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.

5. Drunkenly Text Grand Master Unicorn

2

[nothinglikefather]

Yes but is that a good enough reason to marry him?

1.

[orderbeforepeace]

You need not have bothered.

4

[bythecreed]

...The fact you even have to clarify...

Connor Kenway » Assassins Creed III

[stayyourblade]

1. Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?

2. She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.

3. You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry

4. You had a forty five minute conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it.

5. Text Him Embarrassing Shit.

1

[orderbeforepeace]

In my experience, bad.

But your mother found it rather entertaining.

2

[nothinglikefather]

... Please never, ever tell me anything like that again.

4

[fameorfolly]

Well at least someone was listening to me.

Altair Ibn-La'Ahad » Assassins Creed

[blendsin]

1. I mean I've seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get?

2. Think of the things you've done in the past. And ask yourself "have I done worse?" If you answer yes then it's perfectly ok.

3. Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"

4. I think it’s okay to see him. You just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again

5. Text I'll-Tie-Air In Bed La'Ahandle

1

[nothinglikefather]

Mate, you've licked my leftbutt cheek. I think that makes you family.

2

[fameorfolly]

That... doesn't make any sense, Altair.

How can I look back on everything and think have I done worse, I'm thinking of all of it? And... okay yes I know some of what happens in my future and it's also pretty bad but...

How is it okay?

5

[bythecreed]

You weren't just peeing, you were grinding on it. And you originally tried to pee in the washing machine.

You were at least being very sweet and telling me you love me.

Ezio Auditore » Assassins Creed II

[collectsfeathers]

1. My life is pants optional.

2. That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my mother the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.

3. I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead.

4. As a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them

5. Text Ezio Pimpatorie

1

[fameorfolly]

Sounds like a good life.

Connor Kenway » Assassins Creed III

[stayyourblade]

1. Did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?

2. My grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.

3. I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes.

4. I had to take on your role as drunk idiot. I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.

5. Text Condor "Racking-Hackey-Sack" Kenbae

4

[nothinglikefather]

I keep telling you, you got to practise. Practise makes perfect.

Tony Stark » MCU

[iwastoo]

1. You would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break.

2. The cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .

3. You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?

4. I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.

5. Text A Billionaire Playboy

2

[seenmoremovies]

I'm really sorry you had to see that Mr Stark

Dean Winchester » Supernatural

[semperpie]

1. I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways

2. It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef brisket. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef brisket. I really wanted my beef briskit

3. Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.

4. You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests

5. Text This Motherfucker

1

[ailes_dor]

You said that last friday too

Connor Kenway » Teen AU » Random Scenarios

[thiskidweighsaton]

1. This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course, I am in.

2. I am not going to help you take over the world. No, not even if you bribe me with cookies.

3. What is our exit strategy?

4. This is all your fault.

5. You are not as evil as people think you are.

2

[son_of_a_pirate]

You have to! We played what you wanted to yesterday.

Connor Kenway » Regular Grown Up » Random Scenarios

[stayyourblade]

1. And in closing, congratulations on finding someone who you think can put up with you for the rest of your life.

2. Look, I am sorry I missed your inauguration, but I was stuck in 1754.

3. Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?

4. A Venn diagram of my enemies and my allies would be a circle.

5. I think I am having a feeling. How do I make it stop?

1

[orderbeforepeace]

Merely "happy anniversery" would have sufficed, son.

Ezio Auditore » Why Not » Random Scenarios

[collectsfeathers]

1. I would like to see you figure out the difference between blood and marinara sauce.

2. Why are you glaring at me now?

3. Can you please go be stupid somewhere that is away from me?

4. I'm bitter and complicated. It's one of my charms.

5. You are the worst human being on the face of the planet.

2. Before Altair and Malik were exclusive??

[bythecreed]

I sincerely hope you are not serious. [Somehow, someway Ezio managed to get Malik out of the Bureau and to a strip club. It was probably a ruse and he is not amused by it.]